Lazy Brain- 1, Introspection- 0

What is your attachment Style?

Release of Miss Swift’s poetry album, forests of BC and rain silencing my thoughts- seem like omens for me to pursue solitude and be a monk.

But, Introspection tells me, “It’s just your avoidant attachment kicking in, little miss independence.”

Attachment theory is scary. A setting in your phone that controls everything without you even knowing - Scary, right? It is merely a coping mechanism of our childhood that our stupid-lazy brain forgot to change and is applying to our adult relationships. Only until, you consciously notice your patterns and change them.

Fear not, my friends. We have power of introspection. We can rewrite our scripts. We can live on the Mars - might be easier than healing. Who likes change anyway?

Today, Figure out your attachment style and then notice it in your interpersonal relationships. If you want to - change it. If you don’t wanna change it - point it out in other people and blame them for your emotional responses.

These are main ones that John Bowlby came up with. Choose which one you relate with:

1. Anxious - I often crave closeness in my relationships and worry about rejection or abandonment. I seek reassurance frequently and have difficulty feeling secure without constant validation from my partners. I may worry about whether my partner truly cares about me, and I need reassurance to feel secure.

2. Avoidant Attachment Style - I prioritize independence in my relationships and may struggle with intimacy and emotional expression. I prefer to handle things on my own and find it difficult to open up to others emotionally. I may avoid getting too close to others to protect myself from potential hurt or rejection.

3. Secure Attachment Style - I feel comfortable with intimacy and trust in my relationships. I don't mind asking for help when I need it because I believe others will be there for me. I can express my needs and emotions openly and am confident in seeking support from others when needed."

4. Disorganized Attachment Style - I experience conflicting feelings about intimacy and relationships. I may desire closeness but also fear it at the same time. I often struggle with trusting others. I may exhibit unpredictable behavior in relationships, oscillating between seeking closeness and pushing others away. I may feel overwhelmed by emotional intimacy and struggle to regulate my emotions in relationships.

Now, to talk about where did these came from? Let’s blame our parents - our primary caregivers - supported by research.

Mommy was inconsistent? Clingy much.

Mommy wasn’t present? Hello avoidant tendencies!

Let’s do the poll to see how many of you are secure? I know, I am not. Don’t worry. It’s Anonymous.

Totally forgot- But here is an article and a video from one of my favorite human that tells you how to change your attachment style.

Stay Curious! I love you the way you are!

Until next time.

XOXO

Arsh Kaur